My Writing Retreat photo gallery!

 

There's a reason...

... I already had a tag for Caryll Houselander.  The editors of Magnificat coupled this reflection of hers with a recent daily Gospel reading from Luke 12: 35-38.  (I'm noticing a theme of anxiety/depression in my last couple posts.  It is on my mind, not for myself right now although I have & can struggle with it, but because of a few loved ones who are suffering with it.)

Stop trying to think out a solution for the moment: there isn't one.  One day there may be; God will then show it to you.  In the meantime, accept it all as being the big thing for God and his Church that he asks of you- that, and the depression too.  You will find the relief of merely accepting, instead of struggling, wonderful; and I include in this, accepting anything in yourself, during the crisis, which seems to you a failure or a fault.  Don't exonerate yourself, but just say you are sorry, briefly, to God, and add that your name is dirt- that's what is to be expected from you- but you're sorry, you are forgiven, and it is over...

So beautiful I had to share

Vlad.  Our family and the big boys' Conquest Club in San Antonio prayed & prayed for this little boy and we raised & donated the first few hundred dollars in his adoption account with Reece's Rainbow.  I listed him as a prayer of thanksgiving in the sidebar here when I found out from the amazing AMT that he was to be adopted.  This is the link to Vlad's new family's blog.  So, so beautiful.  God is so good, so faithful.  You have to see for yourself.

The story of him in our lives started w/ me looking over the Reece's Rainbow website, talking to God and praying about international adoption.  I have always felt a call to adoption since I was a much younger single woman and Jesse & I talked about it before we married.  But I, we have always felt a call to domestic, foster adoption.  (We fostered two sisters during Jesse's residency who were with us for 2 months over the holidays in 2006/2007, our own "hosting" experience now that I think about it.  They returned to biological family- but that is another story for another night.)  Anyway, I was thinking & praying a lot about international adoption (b/c I had multiple friends interested in it that I wanted to really support & b/c of non-profit work AMT was leading us to do) and asking God to help me really understand that call.  From my own limited perspective, I just couldn't see how families could fall in love w/ a photo of a kiddo across the world and know God's will, God's plan from the beginning.  Not that I didn't believe them, but I wanted to truly understand it.  Well, God answered my prayer.  I truly fell in love w/ Vlad from 1 photo and, most amazingly, so did my husband.  At the time, we thought he looked like such a Gorley!  And we seriously considered adopting him but pretty quickly discerned that that wasn't God's will.  Both of us felt the same way and felt sad but at peace.  We kept praying for Vlad & donated some money ourselves and then the boys' Conquest Club did the same.  We lost a baby to miscarriage and knew that what we wanted, what it seemed God wanted for our family was for us to have another of our own biological children.  Then we conceived Mary.  And Vlad's family found him & committed to adopting him the month she was born.  And again, here he is now: http://bigvandlittlesy.blogspot.com/. 

Praise God.  Thank you for Vlad.  Thank you for Mary.

My Own 1000 Gifts: 1-100

1. Nursing infant daughter's hungry hands & gulps
2. Toddler son's budding speech
3. 6 yr old sensitivity, esp w/ toddler bro
4. 8 yr old collectivity, incl ideas
5. Husband's hands
6. Winter fire's warmth & glowing embers
7. Blazing pink sun setting on horizon
8. Creativity unfolding
9. Generations gathering & family love uniting differences, even red & blue ones
10. A bro-in-law joyful in life's work
11. A sister pregnant w/ expectation
12. A bro growing in maturity
13. A father trying
14. An always devoted mother
15. Melt-in-your-mouth lobster ravioli
16. Sand dollars!
17. Boy Wii joy
18. Dinner highs & lows
19. Walking off stress
20. Husband's strength
21. Husband's initiative
22. Brother love
23. Dinner w/ friends w/ children
24. Lunch w/ devoted Husband
25. Happy boy chatter
26. Reading glee- young & old
27. Fri nights together relaxing
28. Pink sky @ plains sunset (even when can't see sun!)
29. Toddler hugs
30. Dancing in the kitchen w/ Husband
31. Waking up Precious Babe from a long nap
32. Toddlin' Tornado's table antics
33. Rhythms of quiet
34. A Saturday together working, then relaxing
35. Husband's happiness @ burritos & beer
36. Little familiar faces in a Sunday classroom
37. Eucharist-peace on Sunday afternoon
38. Friends home from travels
39. Warm clothes in cold weather
40. A bird feeding station that actually attracts some birds
41. Thoughtful gifts from friends
42. Cooking a new recipe, even if no one liked it
43. Missions accomplished
44. Old-fashioned girl clothes
45. An unexpected blessing, help, friend
46. A delicious & healthy new recipe
47. Precious Babe's squeals of joy
48. A Daddy loving his youngest w/ patience & his oldest w/ tenderness
49. Excellent medical care
50. Pampering beauty supplies
51. SPY & youth ministers
52. EE
53. JD
54. JB
55. UD
56. MG
57. GW & usccb
58. JH
59. DL
60. TTU Law
61. H & K
62. CB
63. JDG!
64. SJN
65. C Clan
66. NFP work
67. La Familia C
68. My M-I-L
69. Neighbors who became friends so quickly
70. Good east & west windows
71. Wide, open spaces w/ big sky
72. Grasses blowing in the wind
73. Women gathered to celebrate new life
74. Man appreciative of woman's timeless work
75. Citizens supporting one another
76. A priest who really recalls another Christ
77. Fresh sheets
78. Fresh pillowcases even
79. Rest after a busy day
80. Husband who really cares
81. Children who love me & each other
82. My health
83. House w/ space & a high living room ceiling
84. Husband's help & concern @ lunch
85. Little icicles
86. Big hearted helper-brother
87. Snow hats w/ ear flaps & red cheeks peeking out underneath
89. Loose dog found
90. Precious Babe asleep again
91. Toddlin' Tornado's nap time
92. Breathing deeply under the warm sun on a cool, crisp day
93. Beautiful views from mountain heights
94. Wind rustling through dry leaves on trees & rippling prairie grasses
95. Rock climbing Toddler
96. Funky-clothed Husband
97. Big boy who wanted Mom @ the top of Little Baldy
98. Big boy blazing his own trails
99. Precious Babe happy to be toted along anywhere
100. No dinner prep!

A Few of My Favorite Things

Mary's beautiful Baptismal gown bought for her by her godparents still on display in the dining room, the ladybug petit-fours (sp?) from her shower (now devoured), the sunflowers blooming along the highways right now, and my 2 cowboys in their matching hats.

10 Reasons I am especially excited to have a GIRL!

10. Sharing the girl classics: Little Women and all of L.M. Alcott's works, Anne of Green Gables,...

9. In a few years, someone else should be able to find things around the house, too!

8. a dollhouse

7. a tea set

6. Christmas dresses & Easter hats

5. the classic-Disney Haley Mills movies

4. Ballet lessons?(if she's interested, unlike her tomboy mother, but I realize their value now after being not-so-graceful for all my life...)

3. Hair bows & head bands

2. Sharing my love for the great women saints: Catherine of Siena, Therese of Liseux, Theresa Benedicta of the Cross...

1. The chance to watch my husband be a daddy to his daughter.

Case of life: "The Blind Girl"

Finally, back to the Case, especially b/c I'll probably miss EWC today w/ a sick kiddo. It'll be good for me to continue reflecting on this one. RC cases discussed during EWC are always true stories.

Our first case of the year was a case of a young woman born blind. She suffered and struggled because of her blindness, unhappy that she could not do many things other, more typical people could do. She had a faithful boyfriend who stood by her through her heartaches and could see her goodness, despite her own negativity. He helped her persevere and see the positive side of things. The young woman always told her boyfriend, "If I could just see, I'd marry you."

It finally happened that the young woman was told it was her turn for a transplant, that she could have eyes (corneas) recently donated. She had the surgery and as the bandages were finally removed, her boyfriend was there with her for her first glimpse of the world. It was then she realized that he was blind. "Well," he said, "will you marry me now?" Painfully for him, her answer was no, she just couldn't do it, she couldn't handle the suffering related to being blind, even now. They went their separate ways.

Later, the young man wrote his former girlfriend a letter. He told her he loved her and always had only wanted her to be happy. He asked her to promise to take care of herself and her eyes, for before they were her eyes, they were first his...

When I first heard this story, I choked/gasped out loud. The betrayal and the love side by side struck me deeply. And the way the young man was another Christ, loving entirely for the other, not faltering even when rejected, is a powerful testimony of his own relationship w/ Christ. All she had to do was enjoy the gift and stop angsting over figuring everything out. All God wants us to do is enjoy his gifts, especially those of the people in our lives, especially our spouses. May we, may I, enjoy my husband this day and be more willing to sacrifice for him in those ways he needs from me, without counting the small cost.

Vacation...Holiday...Holy Days

From Fr. Richard Veras, "The Importance of Vacation Time," as printed in Magnificant this month.

"This summer look forward to your vacation not as a moment to go away from something, but as a time to go closer to Someone. The One who is behind all that you experience on your vacation is the one who promises to be with you always, even after you have returned to your ordinary routine....May our vacation days not merely be empty of labor, but full of true joy. May we take full advantage of the free time given us to encounter the love, truth, and beauty of Christ in the myriad of ways he comes to us. May we look forward to the unexpected ways he will show himself to us in this privileged time, and may we find ourselves re-created so that our belonging to Christ may help to renew the face of the earth."

This reflection echoes the prayer on my heart for this time, as I enjoy my rest in and with Him (probably neglecting the discipline of my prayer life too much!), and begin looking to a new school year again w/ my children and including my apostolate duties that I have taken a much-needed break from the last 6 weeks.

"But as for me, I trust in you, Lord..."

"Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I am in distress....
Tears have wasted my eyes, my throat, my heart...."

"But as for me, I trust in you, Lord,
I say: 'You are my God.
Let your face shine on your servant.
Save me in your love.' "

-from Psalm 31

The psalm from this morning's Morning Prayer (taken from the beautiful resource Magnificat, not from the true Office of Readings but it should be the same) struck me b/c it voices my heart right now. I am struggling with old anxieties and fears that I always want to think I've left behind and I know the only answer is to give them to You, Lord, with all my heart, and just keep moving forward. Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on me. Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for me. As the wisest women in my life have always told me, we just have to keep going. A snapshot of one day of anyone's life isn't necessarily going to be the beautiful landscape that I want to see for myself or anyone else. The only truth in hard situations is faithfulness. And I don't want to waste time and grace, waste life angsting.

My problem is I rely on myself. Especially when I'm struggling and searching spiritually, I can tend to pull back out of a desire to protect myself and somehow satisfy a desire to make my search more authentically mine. But for me, life is Christ. Life is Truth in Him. And I know I cannot find any long-lasting answers apart from You, my Lord. I can find what feels like a reprieve from your demands but that is a narrow view of who you are and all you've been for me. Your blows are always and only blows of Love. And what blows are you really sending my way right now? I am my own biggest cross. Help me to cling to you and, so, let you carry all that you will for me.